Dartz Prombron, the wacky Russian builder of extra-armored SUVs for potentates, dictators, and probably a number of Ferrari 250GTO owners, made news a few years back by offering whale foreskin as upholstery. Under pressure from environmental groups, they wound up backpedaling with one of the most fantastic statements we’ve ever read in any press release. “We want to tell our hello to all whales: ‘Our Sea Brothers! We all know that earth are stand on three whales—we will keep You live! We don’t Earth fall down to Ocean!’”
Sea brothers appeased, then, the company looked at its old rivals to the west (Germany) and to the east, (Japan) and saw the emergent sportback trend. Then we imagine they looked to their former Lend-Lease pals in the States and proclaimed, “They have art! They have science! They have Cadillac car for VIP! We shall build a superior car for VIP, the artifice and sciencifice of which the world has never seen! We shall name after famed artist Patrick Nagel!” Dartz then commissioned Swedish firm Gray Design to pen the machine’s shape, and the result—well, you see the result here.
The Nagel is supposed to honor this car. Yeah, we don't know either.
According to the company, the Nagel looks back to Dartz Prombron’s origins in the early automaker Russo-Balt (which the company alternately refers to as Russo-Baltique) and the car it fielded in the 1911 Monte Carlo rally. We’re not exactly sure how, but the press release says it is so, so it must be so; it does say that the name actually comes from one of the Monte Carlo car’s drivers, essentially the only part of the release that makes sense.
More important, this fully armored four-door fastback thingy is allegedly packing 2000 hp and has a top speed of 155 mph. What powertrain the Russian company might be using that delivers approximately twice the power of a Bugatti Veyron is unclear: Among the specifications Dartz lists for the vehicle are “Engine: TBA.” But whatever it is, it’ll have 2000 hp. Equally unclear is where Dartz thinks it will find people small enough to squeeze through the Nagel’s doors.
A Veyron with only half that power will go about 100 mph faster than the Nagel. The Nagel, however, is meant for towing, specifically for towing 10,000 pounds of yacht. Dear Brabus (with your silly 800-hp G V12): You will take that and like it. You most certainly will. But don’t worry. Dartz Prombron will keep You live.
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